The Obligatory Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Post

Well, today Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes and she accepted. Finally, I can go on living the rest of my life. No longer will I have to spend every free waking hour poring over the latest gossip, rumour or sighting of this celebrity couple. No longer will I have to ask if Katie will fear Tom is too old for her and turn him down. No longer will I have to wonder if scientology will drive them apart. No longer will I have to wonder if one of the hotter men on the planet would "settle" for the girl-next-door.

I can't stand this celebrity culture that pervades modern times. I have no idea what drives people to want to know every little intimate detail about celebrity relationships; when they are happy, what they fought about, what clothes they are buying and where they took their vacations. Well, actually I do know, at least partially. Part of it is a desire to live vicariously through these people who have fame, fortune, beauty and happiness. Another part of is probably is pleasure in seeing that many celebrities, despite how they appear to have anything, have to deal with heartbreak, tragedy and personal difficulties. I’m sure there’s more, but I’m tired and have things to do and don’t feel like playing amateur psychologist.

I guess I shouldn't judge too harshly, as I have an unusual affinity for baseball and the people involved with the sport. However, that only extends to interesting and relevant personal details. I don't care about Reggie Sanders’ wife nor do I read the latest gossip on which ballplayer visits which prostitute in Chicago.

Still, this is a rare case where I think the celebrity almost brings it upon himself with his actions. Since revealing his relationship, Tom Cruise has been acting like a man possessed. He’s gone out of his way to draw attention to himself, it seems and has does nothing to actually discourage the press from turning this into a Bennifer situation. I've read about some of his behaviour; the most famous being his leaping onto a couch on the Oprah show. I'd say he was acting like a teenager, but I've never even seen a teenager act like this. Richard Roeper described the relationship as "We're More In Love Than Mere Mortals Could Possibly Fathom." I think that's an incredibly apt description of the way the two are acting. There's a difference between being the True Love Knight in Shining Armour Who Treats His Girl Like a Queen and being the Idiot on Oprah's Couch Who Waves His Arms Around and Who Deserves an Incredibly Painful Kick in the Balls, and Cruise apparently doesn't appreciate this difference.

On a side note, tell me this doesn't make a hilarious Family Guy moment: Peter goes, "I haven't behaved like this much of a fool since I fell in love with Katie Holmes." It then cuts to him on the Oprah show running around, standing on couches and doing other Tom Cruise-esque things, yelling "I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm in love with Katie Holmes!"

I actually laughed out loud at work when I thought of it. And if you don't
think it's funny, go fuck yourself.

I guess I should be happy that they've apparently found each other, but when the guy acts like this much of a buffoon it's hard to be. If I was a girl who had a crush on Tom Cruise, I'd very quickly lose it and I'd be hard-pressed not to vomit in my cereal when I realised that he’d proceed to act like such a dolt if he started dating me. If Katie Holmes had grown up with this Tom Cruise around, I very much doubt she would have grown up wanting to marry him.