Baseball Players' Wives

I would title this “Part One”, but I am unable to ensure that this will be a multi-part feature. I certainly intend it to be. While unfair, if there is something professional sports players get judged on by geeky internet fans aside from their skill, it is how attractive their wives or girlfriends are. It’s territory that comes naturally to men and it’s fun to go around saying that Sidney Ponson’s girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend) has big tits (or so I’ve heard) or that I’d rather score with Mrs. Geoff Blum than Mrs. Henry Blanco (no idea if that’s true, as I couldn’t find pictures of either, but I imagine it is).

So while I don’t condone judging people on their looks alone, here are some pictures of a few wives and feel free to do exactly that. If interested, rank them in the comments section and maybe I’ll combine the two responses into one “definitive ranking system.” Maybe I’ll turn this into a hot wives tournament.

Cindy Conine: Even if you’re a mediocre corner-outfielder/first baseman on the wrong side of 30 you can still find a nice-looking lady. I would have some “nice-looking blonde,” but it’s basically implied with professional wives. Jeff signed a card for me once, so I know there’s a nice guy under his ornery demeanour.

Patty Biggio: I’ve got nothing but admiration for Craig Biggio. He’s an underrated player who will get into the Hall-of-Fame if there’s any justice in the baseball world and, quickly speaking, I would say he’s one of the top 10 second baseman of all-time. He finally made the World Series this year after spending 18 seasons with the Houston Astros. He always plays the game hard and he’s been one of my favourite ballplayers for years. The pic quality is a bit shoddy, but this is the first time Biggio may lose out to Conine in a contest of any kind.

Michelle Damon and Juliana Ramirez: Johnny, who appears to model his appearance after Jesus, scored an average-looking blonde, but I’m not that impressed. It’s a side-shot, but you think he could have found someone better who digs the hairy body, long locks and impish smile. She’s allright, but she doesn’t stand out. It’s a common refrain amongst baseball fans, which was actually coined by Manny Ramirez himself, that when Manny screws up it’s just “Manny being Manny.” A terrific hitter who sometimes plays with his head in the clouds, Manny certainly had his head on straight when he found Juliana. Here’s a second picture of her, and all I can say is that this little baby has the right idea.

Melissa Lima: What better way to end this than on a classic? When Jose Lima sung the National Anthem at Dodgers Stadium in 2004, with his wife Melissa Lima by his side, he seized to become the pitcher who coined the phrase “Lima Time” to summarise when he had success and he seized to be remember primarily for being one of the flukiest 20-game winners of the past half-century. Instead, he became the man with the wife. If you’re a man who prefers a certain female attribute you’ll love her and even if you aren’t, you have to remark that she’s a rare specimen. Here’s a second picture.

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